“I have felt so safe and not scared of my past since we last met. I have never felt so comfortable being with myself and my past selves at the same time……It’s hard to believe it is me feeling this way- but it is! These sessions completely changed my way of being…..” Betsy P., super awesome person and client!
(This image is V1 (Version One) of how it sometimes feels for Betsy to be without anxiety! Scroll down for another image (V2) of how it ALSO feels for her!)
Betsy is a dear client that I have been working with for awhile. She came to me because she was having panic attacks and some really rough anxiety. But a LOT has been shifting for her lately.
One of the big topics in our last session was that she feels “off” because she doesn’t feel anxious anymore and she doesn’t know what to do with that! I’m giggling as I type that! She laughs about it too!
Betsy says she feels weird because she’s not getting as worked up as she was before. She’s less stressed and she notices that she seems to be able to handle situations that used to really agitate and upset her. She says she still feels a little uncomfortable, and hears all the old thoughts come up, but those thoughts just don’t upset her nearly as much as they used to. The feeling just isn’t as intense. Or, she’s just more okay with the feeling being there and it doesn’t “get to her” like it used to. She says it’s weird to go through life without the familiar feeling of anxiety. To be without that constant companion.
Betsy calls it her “Little Buddy.” She said it’s like having a friend that was there your whole life that isn’t there anymore. She realized that the familiarity of it was like having a lifelong buddy. To her mind it had become comforting to have that constant presence and noise going on. In its absence, it feels strange to her to be without her “friend.” She feels lighter and, in a way, sort of exposed. But Betsy sees it now. She can’t really fully get behind it when her mind wants her to be anxious about being NOT being anxious!
She’s learned to listen to what her Little Buddy is saying and step back from it. So, as an example, she was able to see the clear truth when her mind wailed “How will I ever get anything done without anxiety?!” She looked at me sheepishly and said, “But I notice I’m still getting things done anyway!” Yep! Even without those old feelings of pressure, discomfort and urgency!
A lot of Betsy’s insights have come from understanding that her mind created anxiety as a safety strategy for something that happened a long time ago. It worked then – doesn’t work now. But the brain figures that keeping Betsy constantly scared and on the lookout is how she survived, so her Little Buddy keeps doing it! It keeps doing its best to create that familiar, “comforting,” blanket of panic!
Her body is doing the same thing to try to keep her safe too. Her nervous system also didn’t realize that it doesn’t need to protect Betsy anymore. So her instinctual, animal body was stuck in a reaction of alternating between fight, flight and freeze. I mean, the brain IS part of the nervous system. The mind IS part of the whole being. But there is a different way of accessing shift that is less “think-ey” and goes more directly to the body. Betsy and I wanted to support her change from a more sensory, body-based, not-more-thinking direction that would help her from the “ground up.” So Betsy started doing a listening therapy (Safe and Sound Protocol) that calms and resets the nervous system, showing her whole body and being that it’s safe now. It’s kind of awesome because it doesn’t give her mind anything to grab onto because it’s coming in the “back door” of sensory input! Our coaching conversations helped her realize how her mind works and helped her make sense of what was going on from the “top down.” The listening therapy has helped from the “bottom up” and has been another big part in helping her make so many amazing shifts and realizations. Back door, top down, bottom up, ground up……! Together, Betsy and I are being curious in all kinds of directions! That curiosity without bounds is truly what helps all of us step out of old, imagined boundaries of being!
Betsy gave me permission to share all this with you, because she agrees that when we are going through challenges our minds will often convince us we are THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD GOING THROUGH THIS!! ;-
Learning about other people’s stories and about how others realized there was a whole BIG WORLD outside of their suffering is so helpful. Human minds have a way of creating a whole reality inside us that we think is real and is the ONLY reality! We don’t look past it when we think it’s real. But those voices, those “Little Buddies,” aren’t us.
Betsy had some other amazing realizations as she looked deeper into this. Stuff about food, control, not speaking up, feeling small…. I’m so excited and honored that she wants to share a little bit more of her journey in future emails. She’s made some absolutely fundamental changes in the way she relates to herself and her whole life. That has me in awe!
I am in awe of the whole, ever-unfolding process of LIFE! New stuff keeps showing up, everyone. Betsy said, “I never would have believed I would have gotten this far!” Never believe your mind when it says you’re stuck and this is how it will always be. Or that you have to keep doing it that same way or “the world will fall apart.” It won’t.
Well, the world your fear constructed will likely fall apart, actually. But the point of our work, really, is to lift our vision out of that tiny reality and see that there is so much more in this vast world than what we’ve created in our heads.
Thanks, Betsy. For bravely feeling into your heart and lifting up your gaze to see so much more. And thank you for taking me on the gorgeous journey. Here we are, at a sort of dawn, looking at a sun rise above a horizon that is breathtakingly bigger than anything we ever knew before. Love you, Betsy!
I love you all reading this, too. Here is to our Connection to Something Bigger and the freedom, relief and joy of that!
Chris
