What the Heck is Integration, Anyway?

I recently got an email from someone who asked: “I notice I’m hearing the word “integrate” a lot lately. I’m wondering what that means, or would look like, or???”
 
I thought I’d go ahead and share my thoughts here with you all too!  These thoughts of course are just what currently crosses my mind. And I am so delighted to be in curious conversation with you all!  Let me know how all this feels for you, and what other insights you might have about it!
 
So it seems to me that integration is when something lands and makes sense in a new way. It is having an “aha” moment that can be accompanied by a physical sensation of the body relaxing, opening and settling. For me there is sometimes a sense of something spreading through the body. I can feel that something has moved from a concept in my head, to a surety of feeling and knowing that I actually live.  A new understanding of things becomes the natural ground I’m standing on, rather than something I’m trying to get to. It’s a natural strength or force that expresses itself rather than I an ideal that I’m not quite sure how to make happen in my behavior.
I’ve also noticed in myself that the “aha” moment often happens in slow motion over a period of time.
 
And integration is not really something you can make happen. You can’t make yourself integrate something. For me, integration happens like rain slowly seeping into the ground and saturating it and bringing that life-giving moisture. But you can’t make the rain come.  You just receive it when it comes naturally. And when it comes naturally you can’t force it down into the ground faster than it wants to naturally seep in.  One note here is that a flash of insight can suddenly turn a concept into a direct, felt knowing in the body. An insight can pretty instantaneously make something suddenly real and integrated into our deep sense of knowing.  And yet insights aren’t something we can make happen either!
 
Here’s an example of integration from my own life.  There is a part of my psychology/thinking that’s convinced that there is only lack. That there’s not enough.  That sense can show up as me feeling like there’s not enough time or opportunity.  Then I feel a frantic desperation to grab onto something before it disappears.  My mind says I have to take action quickly, even if things don’t feel quite right, or I have to force things or push harder.  Otherwise, says that part of my mind, I will miss out, and/or “it will never happen.” This whole loop has led to a sense of urgency, and often making decisions quickly without thinking them over because of the panicked pressure to outsmart The Lack. (as though it were a solid factual thing)
 
From a mental concept place, I’m aware of this thinking and I know it’s just conditioning and not true.  For a long time I thought that in order to counter that conditioning, I should make myself move more slowly to “teach” myself a more reasonable way of responding to life.  So I had practices and ways that I was trying to actively change my behavior and remind myself to slow down.
 
Meanwhile, in another aspect of my consciousness, I continued my genuine curiosity about the nature of life.  More and more, I came to see that the stories that my thoughts make up aren’t real. I observed the actual flow of events rather than stories my mind put on top of those events.  I kept having conversations with other people who are curious about these things too.  
 
And at some point it dawned on me that now, somehow, I just DO move more slowly and calmly.  There is far less of a sense of urgency to act.  Thoughts of lack come up, but it’s kind of like they are over there, rather than in my face. The volume has been turned down, the picture faded.  I notice that now I am not driven by thoughts of lack.  I have the ability to savor food, time, people, events…..  I notice that I give myself time and space to decide things. To consider and feel for clear paths forward rather than make a knee-jerk decision based on an old brain pattern that says “Act now!  Supplies are limited!” And looking at it now, I can see that moving more calmly and savoring has gradually become a more natural behavior. That’s because I truly feel it that the nature of life is abundant and spacious. I have been experiencing the truth that I don’t have to rush to make decisions. I have lived the truth that things stick around and continue to be available to me, even if I don’t pounce on them! 
 
I see that this ground of understanding is natural to me now. I have slowed down.  But it wasn’t because I tried to integrate the idea of slowing down.  My genuine curiosity and looking just allowed a truer understanding of life to seep in.  
 
So, dear emailer and all you reading this! I hope my thoughts are a helpful addition to your own curiosity about what integration is for you.  Since of course we are all different!   Thank you for writing to ask me, so that I had the chance to really notice and celebrate my own integration of the calm, sure ground of enoughness!  
 
Love you all and thank you for sharing this whole amazing conversation of LIFE with me!
Christina