I had an experience yesterday that I really wanted to share with you. I was listening to a podcast, and this podcast really resonated with me. It really sort of cracked me open. It really contributed to this unfolding that I’ve been doing. I’ve been coming to a lot of shift lately. Seeing the world differently and seeing myself differently. I’m just having lots of expansion. And this podcast was just the right thing at the right time, I guess. I could feel the resonance of it and it started opening up the world for me in a lot of ways. I started to feel this rush-in of energy and ecstasy, and I was crying…. I sort of watched myself feel overwhelmed by that ecstasy, by the feeling that was coming in. I watched myself have the impulse to text somebody or call somebody and say “Oh my God, this thing is happening that is so amazing!” Or to get up and do something with this realization, this new vision, this new way of seeing things that was opening up in that moment for me. In other words, it felt like sitting with the energy was too much. There was something in me that wanted to discharge it, distract myself from it, or tone it down! Maybe I felt like was going to be overloaded or overwhelmed by what I was perceiving as insight or connection or realization. And then all of these stories came flooding in about what that means for me to be connected, aligned and in harmony with the way the universe works that I think sort of freaked me out! In retrospect, I realize that I see that over and over again with the people that I work with. We’ll be talking and something will open up in them in a similar way, and so often they will abruptly change the topic or sort of bat what I’m saying aside and move onto this other thing. I can almost see them sticking their fingers in their ears and saying “Don’t! Let’s not go there! I can’t handle going there!” And sometimes they refer to it by saying something like “My power scares me.” What does that mean? Power? I’ve been exploring that phrase, because people say it, myself included, but what does it mean? I’m starting to feel for myself that that sense of power is being in harmony with the way things naturally flow in life. Being in harmony with Life. Feeling the influx of energy, the open channels of that energy of the way things are naturally moving. That feels like power to me: something that has a harmony and resonance and a truth, and we can sense the truth of what we are beyond our small identities. That feels like power to me.
There’s been a lot of conversation about shadow work, and embracing all the parts of ourselves. All the lost parts of ourselves and the shadow parts of ourselves and letting ourselves feel all of our emotions. Those of you who know me know that I am a huge fan of that! Of course! Of course I support that! Of course I support us making room, embracing and welcoming any energy that rolls through us. Understanding that it is energy that is rolling through. It’s the story that we attach to the energy that maybe starts to freak us out or take us down old roads. On the other hand, if we just stay with whatever energy happens to be rolling through, it keeps rolling through naturally. That applies to the uncomfortable feelings that we try not to feel. And actually, partly we attach stories so that we won’t feel. Making stories can be a way of defending ourselves – to make sense of the energy that’s coming through. AND, some of the uncomfortable feelings are not necessarily bad. Well, none of them are bad. No energy that rolls through is bad. The ones we attach the “negative” story to, or the story about fear or sorrow or anger almost seem easier for us to digest than connecting with the ones that we attach stories of ecstasy, expansion, awareness and insight to. That sense of alignment and power (in the way I’m describing it), seem almost to be scarier to us! Or at least as scary. And I just want to say “What if we can handle it?!” What if we can handle all of the emotions running through, including ecstasy! Including radical joy! Including the felt sense that we are resonating with something bigger, and we are in harmonics with the way life moves. What if we can handle that too? What if we can handle that power, that alignment, that ecstasy…..? What if we can sit with it, feel it, let it roll through and inform our forms? The Formless coming through and informing our forms and depositing all of that richness and light and information, whether we’re attaching a story of anger or whether we’re attaching a story of ecstasy..? it’s just energy and we can handle it, including the ecstasy. We can handle it! We can let it be there and open and relax into it. Without having to do anything about it or with it, without having to hide it, dispel it, tone it down…
Just a thought I wanted to capture for myself and share with you. Thanks you for allowing me to enjoy that moment of expanding ecstasy again – with YOU!
Love,
Christina
