Last week a dear friend facilitated a shamanic journey for me. She’s such a skilled and intuitive practitioner. The ritual of the journey was simple, powerful and grounded. The intention of the journey was to invite all the knowing and Divine connection I experience on a regular basis to really filter into my physical experience. To explore and soften the illusion of separation from that inner, Bigger Knowing. It was an amazing experience! I won’t bother telling you the visions and feelings. But here is a big part of what came through:
There is a part of me that is terrified to admit that I know my own answers. It doesn’t want me to admit my own authority or inner guidance. To that part of me, listening to or admitting that inner wisdom feels literally life-threatening. There’s been so much conditioning to squelch myself and trust only what the outside “authority“ says. What are the rules of the pack so I can fit in and be accepted? What are my mom’s rules so I can avoid her anger, her painful criticism and terrifying rejection of me? All of that conditioning and rule following is built on the idea that I am not acceptable. That I am not good and my nature cannot be trusted. All of that seeking authority and safety from outside tells me that I am not worthy of love. It might have kept my body safe from harm as a child. But safety does not equal the nourishment of love.
(Give a girl some conditional praise and she feels safe for the moment. Teach her to trust and celebrate herself and life, and she lives securely in love always.)
I share this because sharing helps me ground the wisdom that is coming through me, the wisdom that lives AS me. I also share it because I’ve noticed this in others too. You? Maybe part of you also fears going within for your own wisdom, answers and authority. That universal fear that if we stop connecting to the authority of the tribe, the consensus, the rules that we’ll be cast out. Alone. From the survival/animal brain perspective, that makes perfect sense. I’m not saying we don’t need our kindred animals. Here I am soothing my own animal, letting it know that life is not the dire “either/or“ survival paradigm of its ancient brain. Light has evolved. Life has evolved. The body is so relatively safe in this time of the world. And now we are opening to the Source of Life Itself. Communing with that Divine Intelligence that gives rise to it ALL. And we can FEEL it inside us. It shows up as our own, unique guidance and authority. Each life form knowing exactly what it needs to thrive, evolve, and grow out of the fear. Knows what it needs to open and include so much more light, love, refinement of expression. Oh wow. The perfect exquisite expression of the infinite variety of life! The infinite uniqueness of the forms of Love!
That’s me and you. Unique, perfect forms of the intelligence of life. We ARE Love in distinct celebrations and expressions of its forms. That’s us! And as unique as we are, we are still in this together! We’re still not alone. We’re still ALL ONE. Ironically, I am more aware of that ONE LIGHT when I look inside and honor the prism of unique me. I can let myself know this. I can let myself FEEL this inner connection to Everything, and access that innate Intelligence. I won’t be kicked out for following that. Even if it looks different than you following it. Or my Mom. Or whoever. This is a celebration of how that Light shines through me in a way it can only through me! As it can only through each of us. This awareness of my own authority, animated by a Larger Knowing, lets me see and be in awe of both me and the Life that gives rise to me! Going inside, admitting this inner connection, I am not alone. We are still ALL ONE.
Loving you, and me, and we,
Christina
