E verything is V ibration. E xistence is alive; R ippling, Y awning, E xpanding, contracting, M oving in the ceaseless expansion of its O neness. Never T iring of the forms of its I ntelligent Design. To try and O wn any bit of that N ever-still, I nfinitely changing S tream just doesn’t make sense. W e get stuck in one flash of a moment, fearing it will last forever, as E ternity flows on and on and on… Even if we grasp and L atch on, the nature of Everything is to C hange – O pening always into new M otion, new E nergy thoughts! As Infinity Itself, none of those expressions can ever H arm us. Intense, uncomfortable, wild, ecstatic: All the E nergies are safe. We can let the R iver E njoy its every whim, every creative moment, its every sacred mood.
Thank you for witnessing this mood. Love, Christina
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Life keeps flowing on, creating. Energy keeps moving. Planets and babies come into being. Seasons, rotations, orbits. Trees fall and give life to infinite others. Thoughts come in and thoughts go out. Always, there is life. Always there is movement, change. Always there is only inclusion – everything is allowed and is there whether we allow it or not.
We can surrender to this, be carried by it and be feel the relief of it. We can know that that life energy will continue to move through us, move us, move as us. We can relax into this mysterious force behind all things that somehow renews, regenerates, recreates in its ineffable intelligence unending.
Sighing and smiling with you in love of our journey, Christina
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Hi everyone. I shared in my last writing that something had come up recently that really rattled me. The essence of it is that there’s been a tension between two parties I know and am connected to. We’ll call them Peter and Joyce. I myself can see things that make sense to me in both Peter and Joyce’s perspectives. Peter and Joyce are talking to friends and families and getting more and more worked up about it. Their perspectives are now becoming about “the principle of the thing,” and what is “morally and ethically right.” I myself listened to both sides, felt swept up in both arguments. Caught up in the moment and fresh from a conversation with a friend, busy with my own mind’s desire to voice “my” beliefs, I called Peter to tell him Super unfortunately, I did it at a moment where things were actually starting to calm down! The action felt good for a second – having done something to relieve the internal pressure I was feeling. But then, free from the pressure for a moment, I was able to see how completely unnecessary my phone call was. I could also sense that what I said was coming from a superficial understanding and it was rushed and incomplete. My sense of the situation and any involvement I needed to make and how – all of that needed more time to settle in with me before I acted.
I can see me, Peter and Joyce have all stopped thinking it out for ourselves and gotten lost in a concept of “what’s right.” Causes become about the cause – a solid, almost tangible thing. We begin to serve The Cause (capital letters) and forget the actual circumstances of the moment and the fact that we are interacting with other human beings in this, unique moment. Focused on “the principle of the thing,” we’re blind to what actually makes sense in the particulars of here and now.
Whether it’s our thinking that is sweeping us along, the wash of popular opinion or the opinions of close family and friends, we forget to sit quietly and feel it out for ourselves. Caught up in the fervor of our minds, or group mind, we take action!!! It can feel like such a rush, or almost a feel-good, and often has a sense of relief just to have alleviated some pressure! That was certainly true in my case. The urgency of “The Cause” was fueled by my deep discomfort, and taking action seemed to offer some way to fix the thing I thought was making me uncomfortable to begin with. We, I, forget to pause. To take a moment to settle down and let calmness return. I forgot to take a moment to be alive to the actual people and to what makes sense.
We humans often want to ACT NOW! In that fevered pitch of believing that not only is there a problem (which often there isn’t, or wouldn’t be if we waited a day). We believe that our “problem” is so unbearable and the feelings are so unacceptable that we have to take some action, any action, and NOW, so that we don’t have to feel that discomfort. The discomfort is so often some form of fear. Including the fear of pain, grief, separation that we imagine will destroy us to feel.
And so we do what I did – we act before we feel it out. I can see that if I would have given myself time, I would have settled down naturally. I would have had time to just be with all the information and it would have found its way naturally, rather than needing a forced action. Instead I did take that action based on a bunch of concepts – I made a phone call to a neighbor to “make my point,” to demonstrate my “right answer, “ to “take a stand” and to tell her I disagreed with her flawed thinking. Sheesh.
The single neighbor, and the collective thinking of the group of neighbors, would likely have settled down a bit too. Whether it’s my personal thinking between my own ears, or school-of-fish thinking, all thinking settles down when we leave it alone. If we don’t stir it up by taking action, engaging in more of the same thinking or making unnecessary, righteous phone calls! Life moves on if we let it. The mind moves on to some other topic. It’s our constant poking at it, steady stream of news-stories that keep topics alive, fixation on the details with friends and families – all of that is what keeps our chokehold on a “problem” that doesn’t allow it to move naturally and find its own solution. All of those ways of holding onto a problem are in fact what often perpetuates, aggravates and even creates the suffering we experience.
Now, me beating myself up because I made the phone call and didn’t remember all that at the time – that’s just more of the same. It’s me continuing to hold onto it. I can see that it’s my mind stirring it up again, keeping “the problem” alive and keeping me in suffering about it. I’m human. We’re all human. Sometimes we see clearly and sometimes we don’t. That’s the nature of having a mind.
We all have minds that get caught up. Bu we all have hearts too. We’re all beautiful, well-meaning, ultimately loving creatures just doing the best we can. There has to be room for us to be “imperfect,” get caught up in judgements, forget to wonder about why the human in front of us is acting in ways we don’t understand. There has to be room for us to be forgetful and do stupid stuff that we regret later. We can have compassion for ourselves and our own rash acts, and for the actions of others we don’t understand. Because we can always come back to knowing that everyone is doing the best they can from whatever they can see in the moment. It helps me to know that 100% of those rash acts come from someone, or some group, being caught up in thinking that seems real. All acts of understanding, compassion and cooperation come from the unhurried, peaceful and loving place of a calm mind and heart. The calm mind and heart know that they are safe. All is well. And there is no loss in saying “oh well. Stuff happens.” The calm mind and heart can let go of its clenched grab on the apparent drama of the moment and relax back into the steady stream of life.
Oh well. Exhale. Now onto the next moment and my peaceful relationship to whatever shows up next.
Thank you for being fellow humans with me. We really are all in this together, and I’m grateful for it. So much love and appreciation to you, Christina
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Hi everyone. I shared in my last writing that something had come up recently that really rattled me. The essence of it is that there’s been a tension between two parties I know and am connected to. We’ll call them Peter and Joyce. I myself can see things that make sense to me in both Peter and Joyce’s perspectives. Peter and Joyce are talking to friends and families and getting more and more worked up about it. Their perspectives are now becoming about “the principle of the thing,” and what is “morally and ethically right.” I myself listened to both sides, felt swept up in both arguments. Caught up in the moment and fresh from a conversation with a friend, busy with my own mind’s desire to voice “my” beliefs, I called Peter to tell him Super unfortunately, I did it at a moment where things were actually starting to calm down! The action felt good for a second – having done something to relieve the internal pressure I was feeling. But then, free from the pressure for a moment, I was able to see how completely unnecessary my phone call was. I could also sense that what I said was coming from a superficial understanding and it was rushed and incomplete. My sense of the situation and any involvement I needed to make and how – all of that needed more time to settle in with me before I acted.
I can see me, Peter and Joyce have all stopped thinking it out for ourselves and gotten lost in a concept of “what’s right.” Causes become about the cause – a solid, almost tangible thing. We begin to serve The Cause (capital letters) and forget the actual circumstances of the moment and the fact that we are interacting with other human beings in this, unique moment. Focused on “the principle of the thing,” we’re blind to what actually makes sense in the particulars of here and now.
Whether it’s our thinking that is sweeping us along, the wash of popular opinion or the opinions of close family and friends, we forget to sit quietly and feel it out for ourselves. Caught up in the fervor of our minds, or group mind, we take action!!! It can feel like such a rush, or almost a feel-good, and often has a sense of relief just to have alleviated some pressure! That was certainly true in my case. The urgency of “The Cause” was fueled by my deep discomfort, and taking action seemed to offer some way to fix the thing I thought was making me uncomfortable to begin with. We, I, forget to pause. To take a moment to settle down and let calmness return. I forgot to take a moment to be alive to the actual people and to what makes sense.
We humans often want to ACT NOW! In that fevered pitch of believing that not only is there a problem (which often there isn’t, or wouldn’t be if we waited a day). We believe that our “problem” is so unbearable and the feelings are so unacceptable that we have to take some action, any action, and NOW, so that we don’t have to feel that discomfort. The discomfort is so often some form of fear. Including the fear of pain, grief, separation that we imagine will destroy us to feel.
And so we do what I did – we act before we feel it out. I can see that if I would have given myself time, I would have settled down naturally. I would have had time to just be with all the information and it would have found its way naturally, rather than needing a forced action. Instead I did take that action based on a bunch of concepts – I made a phone call to a neighbor to “make my point,” to demonstrate my “right answer, “ to “take a stand” and to tell her I disagreed with her flawed thinking. Sheesh.
The single neighbor, and the collective thinking of the group of neighbors, would likely have settled down a bit too. Whether it’s my personal thinking between my own ears, or school-of-fish thinking, all thinking settles down when we leave it alone. If we don’t stir it up by taking action, engaging in more of the same thinking or making unnecessary, righteous phone calls! Life moves on if we let it. The mind moves on to some other topic. It’s our constant poking at it, steady stream of news-stories that keep topics alive, fixation on the details with friends and families – all of that is what keeps our chokehold on a “problem” that doesn’t allow it to move naturally and find its own solution. All of those ways of holding onto a problem are in fact what often perpetuates, aggravates and even creates the suffering we experience.
Now, me beating myself up because I made the phone call and didn’t remember all that at the time – that’s just more of the same. It’s me continuing to hold onto it. I can see that it’s my mind stirring it up again, keeping “the problem” alive and keeping me in suffering about it. I’m human. We’re all human. Sometimes we see clearly and sometimes we don’t. That’s the nature of having a mind.
We all have minds that get caught up. Bu we all have hearts too. We’re all beautiful, well-meaning, ultimately loving creatures just doing the best we can. There has to be room for us to be “imperfect,” get caught up in judgements, forget to wonder about why the human in front of us is acting in ways we don’t understand. There has to be room for us to be forgetful and do stupid stuff that we regret later. We can have compassion for ourselves and our own rash acts, and for the actions of others we don’t understand. Because we can always come back to knowing that everyone is doing the best they can from whatever they can see in the moment. It helps me to know that 100% of those rash acts come from someone, or some group, being caught up in thinking that seems real. All acts of understanding, compassion and cooperation come from the unhurried, peaceful and loving place of a calm mind and heart. The calm mind and heart know that they are safe. All is well. And there is no loss in saying “oh well. Stuff happens.” The calm mind and heart can let go of its clenched grab on the apparent drama of the moment and relax back into the steady stream of life.
Oh well. Exhale. Now onto the next moment and my peaceful relationship to whatever shows up next.
Thank you for being fellow humans with me. We really are all in this together, and I’m grateful for it. So much love and appreciation to you, Christina
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Something happened in my life last week that really rattled me, and I acted out of an uncomfortable feeling of panic. I’m rarely happy with the resulting actions when I do that. (understatement!) I realized later that THIS is the exact kind of situation that would have been served by having a concrete, physical ritual. A physical action to take as a way of dropping an anchor and giving myself a pause. In those moments of fear and extreme upset, it can seem like the action that anxiety is suggesting just HAS to be taken – RIGHT NOW! The mind wants to take action, (almost any action) to make the anxiety go away.
If I had remembered, I could have physically gone to a Kachina doll I made in Lali’s last workshop. I would have been able to touch its realness and been able to interact with its image, its textures, its evocations in me – all of which are not constrained by words or my own biases and old methods of surviving the deeply uncomfortable. The Kachina itself was made with objects from Nature, and made within the container of Lali’s last Kachina workshop. The intention imbued in the Kachina is an awareness of the inherent connection to Nature’s Wisdom, my wisdom, and ways of being in the world that step outside my mind’s limited understanding and conditioning.
Yes, the Kachina reminds me of wisdom that is already inherent within me and everywhere, accessible at any time. Yet it is such a gift to have a non-verbal, natural-image portal to help me step into Larger Wisdom Systems that can show me new options in really uncomfortable situations that threaten my mind and make it want to cling to known (currently unhelpful) patterns.
Fresh from this real-life situation, I am so newly curious, open and glad to be participating in Lali’s springtime Kachina-making workshop. It starts this Saturday and I’ll be helping her do Zoom stuff. And I’ll be making a new Kachina and re-grounding myself in the beauty of innate, pre-language, vast information of Spirit.
I sense that some of my knee-jerk reaction had to do with the general agitation in human consciousness that we are experiencing right now! Maybe making a Kachina and reconnecting to Natural Wisdoms bigger than what we already know appeals to you too right now. If so, I hope you’ll register and join us.
Regardless of whether or not this workshop lights up as a path into that wisdom for you right now, I celebrate YOU and YOUR wisdom. I stand in the knowing that WISDOM is all innate in all of us. Because we are nature, we are LIFE ITSELF. We all will find our paths into new ways of seeing and remembering that we are WHOLE, ONE and inseparable from whatever intelligent energy it is that creates all Life.
As always, thank you so much for reading this and for sharing this awe-inspiring ride with me! Love, Christina
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Song of Enoughness Sung to the tune of “Skip to my Lou!”
There is enough, and there’s always been! I can feel that when I look within! Must’ve been enough, ‘cuz I’m, still here, In the Infinite Universe! Yay! Yay! Thank you, Life! Yay! Yay! Thank you, Love! Yay! Yay! Thank you, Life, In the Infinite Universe!
Thank you, Nature! I love you! Your continuous flow is so truly true! Thank you for bounteous life on Earth, In the Infinite Universe! Yay! Yay! Thank you, Life! Yay! Yay! Thank you, Love! Yay! Yay! Thank you, Life, In the Infinite Universe!
No need to grab onto food or drink, Or money or problems or anything I think! No need to hoard and no need to fight, In the Infinite Universe! Yay! Yay! Thank you, Life! Yay! Yay! Thank you, Love! Yay! Yay! Thank you, Life, In the Infinite Universe!
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A couple of little poetic musing presented themselves and I couldn’t decide which one to include! So I posted both below! (They are based on the letters of the words “Health Is What’s Already Happening.”
Home base is wellbeing. Existence is Arranged this way. Life Thrives. Harmony is Inherent in its Simple, Wise Habit of Allowing, allowing… Time and intrinsic Structures of creative evolution and growth are Already Lined up for Right, ready, eager Expansion. The Absolute Design is for Yes. Yes! “Yes! What else?!”, says the Curious Universe? The Whole is already behind and inside of – Helping All seemingly individual Parts. The Intelligence Present Everywhere in Nature – So Innate in our Numinous cells, our Genes, our bodies of Life, home sweet Life.
___________________and/or this version! ______________________
Home base. Existence Allows – Lends Time, Harmony, Innate, Simple Wisdom. Held Always, Truth Shines. All Lines Ready. Enter Absolute Dawning – Yes! Heaven Already Present. Peace Encoded Nature. Individual Numinous Genes. —————– Loving you all, Christina
A couple of little poetic musing presented themselves and I couldn’t decide which one to include! So I posted both below! (They are based on the letters of the words “Health Is What’s Already Happening.”
Home base is wellbeing. Existence is Arranged this way. Life Thrives. Harmony is Inherent in its Simple, Wise Habit of Allowing, allowing… Time and intrinsic Structures of creative evolution and growth are Already Lined up for Right, ready, eager Expansion. The Absolute Design is for Yes. Yes! “Yes! What else?!”, says the Curious Universe? The Whole is already behind and inside of – Helping All seemingly individual Parts. The Intelligence Present Everywhere in Nature – So Innate in our Numinous cells, our Genes, our bodies of Life, home sweet Life.
___________________and/or this version! ______________________
Home base. Existence Allows – Lends Time, Harmony, Innate, Simple Wisdom. Held Always, Truth Shines. All Lines Ready. Enter Absolute Dawning – Yes! Heaven Already Present. Peace Encoded Nature. Individual Numinous Genes. —————– Loving you all, Christina
It dawned on me awhile ago that my “meditations” were often about doing something. Working on myself, fixing myself, healing myself, inquiring, praying, asking, directing energy, figuring something out, getting peaceful, reaching for a particular feeling (in order to achieve something particular), or trying to quiet. I am literally giggling right now as I type this. So cute, so silly, so understandable! Maybe like you, I was so sure it was hard to feel wellbeing. I was making it complicated and scrambling to DO something to get there, rather than realizing that wellbeing is the default setting of, well, everything. As the quote goes, “The place you are looking for is where you are looking from.” ― St. Francis of Assisi There are many, many similar quotes from various spiritual teachers throughout the ages. (see below!)
For me, there is a clear connection between simplicity and truth. In my experience, it’s the mind the makes things complicated. The mind, the identity, the “doer” wants things to be complicated and hard. Minds like to have things to figure out, be busy and have a lot to do! So, what if all that is busy work, but unnecessary. What if St. Francis and the bunch were right? What if we are trying to get something we already have, already are?
So my favorite meditation right now is this:
“Hello God.”
I get comfy, say hello to God, and simply sit in the presence of The Something Bigger. It is that Presence (Love, Light, Source, God, Nature) that aligns everything. That Something Bigger, that Life Force Energy, takes care of every single particle of the universe(s). Nature knows where everything goes, how it fits together, the perfect connection, the inherent unfolding. I, from my limited perspective, don’t have to figure out, do or direct anything. I just say “Hi God.” And I sit in that. And I feel it. AAAhhhhhhhh…… Such a relief. I realize how much pressure my thinking has put on me to be in charge and responsible for things that I have never been in charge of. My whole being relaxes when I remember that the miraculous, unknowable Something Bigger has always been taking care of everything.
Smiling and loving this human ride with you, Christina
————————————
PS, that whole “what you are looking for is where you are looking from idea has been expressed by many mystics and spiritual teachers. Here is a list of variations, which I’ve included because they are like little, sweet candies!
“What you are looking for is what you are looking with.” -Ernest Holmes
“The place you are looking for is the place from which you are looking.” -Mooji
“What you are looking for is already in you… You already are everything you are seeking.” -Thich Nhat Hanh
“The truth is that you already are what you are seeking. You are looking for God with his eyes. I suggest you ask, ‘What’s ultimately behind this set of eyes?’ Turn around to see what is looking.” -Adyashanti
I recently got an email from someone who asked: “I notice I’m hearing the word “integrate” a lot lately. I’m wondering what that means, or would look like, or???”
I thought I’d go ahead and share my thoughts here with you all too! These thoughts of course are just what currently crosses my mind. And I am so delighted to be in curious conversation with you all! Let me know how all this feels for you, and what other insights you might have about it!
So it seems to me that integration is when something lands and makes sense in a new way. It is having an “aha” moment that can be accompanied by a physical sensation of the body relaxing, opening and settling. For me there is sometimes a sense of something spreading through the body. I can feel that something has moved from a concept in my head, to a surety of feeling and knowing that I actually live. A new understanding of things becomes the natural ground I’m standing on, rather than something I’m trying to get to. It’s a natural strength or force that expresses itself rather than I an ideal that I’m not quite sure how to make happen in my behavior. I’ve also noticed in myself that the “aha” moment often happens in slow motion over a period of time.
And integration is not really something you can make happen. You can’t make yourself integrate something. For me, integration happens like rain slowly seeping into the ground and saturating it and bringing that life-giving moisture. But you can’t make the rain come. You just receive it when it comes naturally. And when it comes naturally you can’t force it down into the ground faster than it wants to naturally seep in. One note here is that a flash of insight can suddenly turn a concept into a direct, felt knowing in the body. An insight can pretty instantaneously make something suddenly real and integrated into our deep sense of knowing. And yet insights aren’t something we can make happen either!
Here’s an example of integration from my own life. There is a part of my psychology/thinking that’s convinced that there is only lack. That there’s not enough. That sense can show up as me feeling like there’s not enough time or opportunity. Then I feel a frantic desperation to grab onto something before it disappears. My mind says I have to take action quickly, even if things don’t feel quite right, or I have to force things or push harder. Otherwise, says that part of my mind, I will miss out, and/or “it will never happen.” This whole loop has led to a sense of urgency, and often making decisions quickly without thinking them over because of the panicked pressure to outsmart The Lack. (as though it were a solid factual thing)
From a mental concept place, I’m aware of this thinking and I know it’s just conditioning and not true. For a long time I thought that in order to counter that conditioning, I should make myself move more slowly to “teach” myself a more reasonable way of responding to life. So I had practices and ways that I was trying to actively change my behavior and remind myself to slow down.
Meanwhile, in another aspect of my consciousness, I continued my genuine curiosity about the nature of life. More and more, I came to see that the stories that my thoughts make up aren’t real. I observed the actual flow of events rather than stories my mind put on top of those events. I kept having conversations with other people who are curious about these things too.
And at some point it dawned on me that now, somehow, I just DO move more slowly and calmly. There is far less of a sense of urgency to act. Thoughts of lack come up, but it’s kind of like they are over there, rather than in my face. The volume has been turned down, the picture faded. I notice that now I am not driven by thoughts of lack. I have the ability to savor food, time, people, events….. I notice that I give myself time and space to decide things. To consider and feel for clear paths forward rather than make a knee-jerk decision based on an old brain pattern that says “Act now! Supplies are limited!” And looking at it now, I can see that moving more calmly and savoring has gradually become a more natural behavior. That’s because I truly feel it that the nature of life is abundant and spacious. I have been experiencing the truth that I don’t have to rush to make decisions. I have lived the truth that things stick around and continue to be available to me, even if I don’t pounce on them!
I see that this ground of understanding is natural to me now. I have slowed down. But it wasn’t because I tried to integrate the idea of slowing down. My genuine curiosity and looking just allowed a truer understanding of life to seep in.
So, dear emailer and all you reading this! I hope my thoughts are a helpful addition to your own curiosity about what integration is for you. Since of course we are all different! Thank you for writing to ask me, so that I had the chance to really notice and celebrate my own integration of the calm, sure ground of enoughness!
Love you all and thank you for sharing this whole amazing conversation of LIFE with me! Christina
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Every Emotion Is Welcome Here
E verything is
V ibration.
E xistence is alive;
R ippling,
Y awning,
E xpanding, contracting,
M oving in the ceaseless expansion of its
O neness. Never
T iring of the forms of its
I ntelligent Design. To try and
O wn any bit of that
N ever-still,
I nfinitely changing
S tream just doesn’t make sense.
W e get stuck in one flash of a moment, fearing it will last forever, as
E ternity flows on and on and on… Even if we grasp and
L atch on, the nature of Everything is to
C hange –
O pening always into new
M otion, new
E nergy thoughts! As Infinity Itself, none of those expressions can ever
H arm us. Intense, uncomfortable, wild, ecstatic: All the
E nergies are safe. We can let the
R iver
E njoy its every whim, every creative moment, its every sacred mood.
Thank you for witnessing this mood.
Love,
Christina
The River of Life Keeps Flowing
Life keeps flowing on, creating. Energy keeps moving. Planets and babies come into being. Seasons, rotations, orbits. Trees fall and give life to infinite others. Thoughts come in and thoughts go out. Always, there is life. Always there is movement, change. Always there is only inclusion – everything is allowed and is there whether we allow it or not.
We can surrender to this, be carried by it and be feel the relief of it. We can know that that life energy will continue to move through us, move us, move as us. We can relax into this mysterious force behind all things that somehow renews, regenerates, recreates in its ineffable intelligence unending.
Sighing and smiling with you in love of our journey,
Christina
Being Human, "Important Causes" and Room for "Mistakes"
Hi everyone. I shared in my last writing that something had come up recently that really rattled me. The essence of it is that there’s been a tension between two parties I know and am connected to. We’ll call them Peter and Joyce. I myself can see things that make sense to me in both Peter and Joyce’s perspectives. Peter and Joyce are talking to friends and families and getting more and more worked up about it. Their perspectives are now becoming about “the principle of the thing,” and what is “morally and ethically right.” I myself listened to both sides, felt swept up in both arguments. Caught up in the moment and fresh from a conversation with a friend, busy with my own mind’s desire to voice “my” beliefs, I called Peter to tell him Super unfortunately, I did it at a moment where things were actually starting to calm down! The action felt good for a second – having done something to relieve the internal pressure I was feeling. But then, free from the pressure for a moment, I was able to see how completely unnecessary my phone call was. I could also sense that what I said was coming from a superficial understanding and it was rushed and incomplete. My sense of the situation and any involvement I needed to make and how – all of that needed more time to settle in with me before I acted.
I can see me, Peter and Joyce have all stopped thinking it out for ourselves and gotten lost in a concept of “what’s right.” Causes become about the cause – a solid, almost tangible thing. We begin to serve The Cause (capital letters) and forget the actual circumstances of the moment and the fact that we are interacting with other human beings in this, unique moment. Focused on “the principle of the thing,” we’re blind to what actually makes sense in the particulars of here and now.
Whether it’s our thinking that is sweeping us along, the wash of popular opinion or the opinions of close family and friends, we forget to sit quietly and feel it out for ourselves. Caught up in the fervor of our minds, or group mind, we take action!!! It can feel like such a rush, or almost a feel-good, and often has a sense of relief just to have alleviated some pressure! That was certainly true in my case. The urgency of “The Cause” was fueled by my deep discomfort, and taking action seemed to offer some way to fix the thing I thought was making me uncomfortable to begin with. We, I, forget to pause. To take a moment to settle down and let calmness return. I forgot to take a moment to be alive to the actual people and to what makes sense.
We humans often want to ACT NOW! In that fevered pitch of believing that not only is there a problem (which often there isn’t, or wouldn’t be if we waited a day). We believe that our “problem” is so unbearable and the feelings are so unacceptable that we have to take some action, any action, and NOW, so that we don’t have to feel that discomfort. The discomfort is so often some form of fear. Including the fear of pain, grief, separation that we imagine will destroy us to feel.
And so we do what I did – we act before we feel it out. I can see that if I would have given myself time, I would have settled down naturally. I would have had time to just be with all the information and it would have found its way naturally, rather than needing a forced action. Instead I did take that action based on a bunch of concepts – I made a phone call to a neighbor to “make my point,” to demonstrate my “right answer, “ to “take a stand” and to tell her I disagreed with her flawed thinking. Sheesh.
The single neighbor, and the collective thinking of the group of neighbors, would likely have settled down a bit too. Whether it’s my personal thinking between my own ears, or school-of-fish thinking, all thinking settles down when we leave it alone. If we don’t stir it up by taking action, engaging in more of the same thinking or making unnecessary, righteous phone calls! Life moves on if we let it. The mind moves on to some other topic. It’s our constant poking at it, steady stream of news-stories that keep topics alive, fixation on the details with friends and families – all of that is what keeps our chokehold on a “problem” that doesn’t allow it to move naturally and find its own solution. All of those ways of holding onto a problem are in fact what often perpetuates, aggravates and even creates the suffering we experience.
Now, me beating myself up because I made the phone call and didn’t remember all that at the time – that’s just more of the same. It’s me continuing to hold onto it. I can see that it’s my mind stirring it up again, keeping “the problem” alive and keeping me in suffering about it. I’m human. We’re all human. Sometimes we see clearly and sometimes we don’t. That’s the nature of having a mind.
We all have minds that get caught up. Bu we all have hearts too. We’re all beautiful, well-meaning, ultimately loving creatures just doing the best we can. There has to be room for us to be “imperfect,” get caught up in judgements, forget to wonder about why the human in front of us is acting in ways we don’t understand. There has to be room for us to be forgetful and do stupid stuff that we regret later. We can have compassion for ourselves and our own rash acts, and for the actions of others we don’t understand. Because we can always come back to knowing that everyone is doing the best they can from whatever they can see in the moment. It helps me to know that 100% of those rash acts come from someone, or some group, being caught up in thinking that seems real. All acts of understanding, compassion and cooperation come from the unhurried, peaceful and loving place of a calm mind and heart. The calm mind and heart know that they are safe. All is well. And there is no loss in saying “oh well. Stuff happens.” The calm mind and heart can let go of its clenched grab on the apparent drama of the moment and relax back into the steady stream of life.
Oh well. Exhale. Now onto the next moment and my peaceful relationship to whatever shows up next.
Thank you for being fellow humans with me. We really are all in this together, and I’m grateful for it.
So much love and appreciation to you,
Christina
Being Human, “Important Causes” and Room for “Mistakes”
Hi everyone. I shared in my last writing that something had come up recently that really rattled me. The essence of it is that there’s been a tension between two parties I know and am connected to. We’ll call them Peter and Joyce. I myself can see things that make sense to me in both Peter and Joyce’s perspectives. Peter and Joyce are talking to friends and families and getting more and more worked up about it. Their perspectives are now becoming about “the principle of the thing,” and what is “morally and ethically right.” I myself listened to both sides, felt swept up in both arguments. Caught up in the moment and fresh from a conversation with a friend, busy with my own mind’s desire to voice “my” beliefs, I called Peter to tell him Super unfortunately, I did it at a moment where things were actually starting to calm down! The action felt good for a second – having done something to relieve the internal pressure I was feeling. But then, free from the pressure for a moment, I was able to see how completely unnecessary my phone call was. I could also sense that what I said was coming from a superficial understanding and it was rushed and incomplete. My sense of the situation and any involvement I needed to make and how – all of that needed more time to settle in with me before I acted.
I can see me, Peter and Joyce have all stopped thinking it out for ourselves and gotten lost in a concept of “what’s right.” Causes become about the cause – a solid, almost tangible thing. We begin to serve The Cause (capital letters) and forget the actual circumstances of the moment and the fact that we are interacting with other human beings in this, unique moment. Focused on “the principle of the thing,” we’re blind to what actually makes sense in the particulars of here and now.
Whether it’s our thinking that is sweeping us along, the wash of popular opinion or the opinions of close family and friends, we forget to sit quietly and feel it out for ourselves. Caught up in the fervor of our minds, or group mind, we take action!!! It can feel like such a rush, or almost a feel-good, and often has a sense of relief just to have alleviated some pressure! That was certainly true in my case. The urgency of “The Cause” was fueled by my deep discomfort, and taking action seemed to offer some way to fix the thing I thought was making me uncomfortable to begin with. We, I, forget to pause. To take a moment to settle down and let calmness return. I forgot to take a moment to be alive to the actual people and to what makes sense.
We humans often want to ACT NOW! In that fevered pitch of believing that not only is there a problem (which often there isn’t, or wouldn’t be if we waited a day). We believe that our “problem” is so unbearable and the feelings are so unacceptable that we have to take some action, any action, and NOW, so that we don’t have to feel that discomfort. The discomfort is so often some form of fear. Including the fear of pain, grief, separation that we imagine will destroy us to feel.
And so we do what I did – we act before we feel it out. I can see that if I would have given myself time, I would have settled down naturally. I would have had time to just be with all the information and it would have found its way naturally, rather than needing a forced action. Instead I did take that action based on a bunch of concepts – I made a phone call to a neighbor to “make my point,” to demonstrate my “right answer, “ to “take a stand” and to tell her I disagreed with her flawed thinking. Sheesh.
The single neighbor, and the collective thinking of the group of neighbors, would likely have settled down a bit too. Whether it’s my personal thinking between my own ears, or school-of-fish thinking, all thinking settles down when we leave it alone. If we don’t stir it up by taking action, engaging in more of the same thinking or making unnecessary, righteous phone calls! Life moves on if we let it. The mind moves on to some other topic. It’s our constant poking at it, steady stream of news-stories that keep topics alive, fixation on the details with friends and families – all of that is what keeps our chokehold on a “problem” that doesn’t allow it to move naturally and find its own solution. All of those ways of holding onto a problem are in fact what often perpetuates, aggravates and even creates the suffering we experience.
Now, me beating myself up because I made the phone call and didn’t remember all that at the time – that’s just more of the same. It’s me continuing to hold onto it. I can see that it’s my mind stirring it up again, keeping “the problem” alive and keeping me in suffering about it. I’m human. We’re all human. Sometimes we see clearly and sometimes we don’t. That’s the nature of having a mind.
We all have minds that get caught up. Bu we all have hearts too. We’re all beautiful, well-meaning, ultimately loving creatures just doing the best we can. There has to be room for us to be “imperfect,” get caught up in judgements, forget to wonder about why the human in front of us is acting in ways we don’t understand. There has to be room for us to be forgetful and do stupid stuff that we regret later. We can have compassion for ourselves and our own rash acts, and for the actions of others we don’t understand. Because we can always come back to knowing that everyone is doing the best they can from whatever they can see in the moment. It helps me to know that 100% of those rash acts come from someone, or some group, being caught up in thinking that seems real. All acts of understanding, compassion and cooperation come from the unhurried, peaceful and loving place of a calm mind and heart. The calm mind and heart know that they are safe. All is well. And there is no loss in saying “oh well. Stuff happens.” The calm mind and heart can let go of its clenched grab on the apparent drama of the moment and relax back into the steady stream of life.
Oh well. Exhale. Now onto the next moment and my peaceful relationship to whatever shows up next.
Thank you for being fellow humans with me. We really are all in this together, and I’m grateful for it.
So much love and appreciation to you,
Christina
A Recent Uncomfortable Life Situation, And My Renewed Appreciation of Kachinas!
Something happened in my life last week that really rattled me, and I acted out of an uncomfortable feeling of panic. I’m rarely happy with the resulting actions when I do that. (understatement!) I realized later that THIS is the exact kind of situation that would have been served by having a concrete, physical ritual. A physical action to take as a way of dropping an anchor and giving myself a pause. In those moments of fear and extreme upset, it can seem like the action that anxiety is suggesting just HAS to be taken – RIGHT NOW! The mind wants to take action, (almost any action) to make the anxiety go away.
If I had remembered, I could have physically gone to a Kachina doll I made in Lali’s last workshop. I would have been able to touch its realness and been able to interact with its image, its textures, its evocations in me – all of which are not constrained by words or my own biases and old methods of surviving the deeply uncomfortable. The Kachina itself was made with objects from Nature, and made within the container of Lali’s last Kachina workshop. The intention imbued in the Kachina is an awareness of the inherent connection to Nature’s Wisdom, my wisdom, and ways of being in the world that step outside my mind’s limited understanding and conditioning.
Yes, the Kachina reminds me of wisdom that is already inherent within me and everywhere, accessible at any time. Yet it is such a gift to have a non-verbal, natural-image portal to help me step into Larger Wisdom Systems that can show me new options in really uncomfortable situations that threaten my mind and make it want to cling to known (currently unhelpful) patterns.
Fresh from this real-life situation, I am so newly curious, open and glad to be participating in Lali’s springtime Kachina-making workshop. It starts this Saturday and I’ll be helping her do Zoom stuff. And I’ll be making a new Kachina and re-grounding myself in the beauty of innate, pre-language, vast information of Spirit.
I sense that some of my knee-jerk reaction had to do with the general agitation in human consciousness that we are experiencing right now! Maybe making a Kachina and reconnecting to Natural Wisdoms bigger than what we already know appeals to you too right now. If so, I hope you’ll register and join us.
Regardless of whether or not this workshop lights up as a path into that wisdom for you right now, I celebrate YOU and YOUR wisdom. I stand in the knowing that WISDOM is all innate in all of us. Because we are nature, we are LIFE ITSELF. We all will find our paths into new ways of seeing and remembering that we are WHOLE, ONE and inseparable from whatever intelligent energy it is that creates all Life.
As always, thank you so much for reading this and for sharing this awe-inspiring ride with me!
Love, Christina
Skip To My Lou and the Infinite Universe!
Song of Enoughness
Song of Enoughness
Sung to the tune of “Skip to my Lou!”
There is enough, and there’s always been!
I can feel that when I look within!
Must’ve been enough, ‘cuz I’m, still here,
In the Infinite Universe!
Yay! Yay! Thank you, Life!
Yay! Yay! Thank you, Love!
Yay! Yay! Thank you, Life,
In the Infinite Universe!
Thank you, Nature! I love you!
Your continuous flow is so truly true!
Thank you for bounteous life on Earth,
In the Infinite Universe!
Yay! Yay! Thank you, Life!
Yay! Yay! Thank you, Love!
Yay! Yay! Thank you, Life,
In the Infinite Universe!
No need to grab onto food or drink,
Or money or problems or anything I think!
No need to hoard and no need to fight,
In the Infinite Universe!
Yay! Yay! Thank you, Life!
Yay! Yay! Thank you, Love!
Yay! Yay! Thank you, Life,
In the Infinite Universe!
Thank you, Infinite Universe!
Health is What's Already Happening
A couple of little poetic musing presented themselves and I couldn’t decide which one to include! So I posted both below! (They are based on the letters of the words “Health Is What’s Already Happening.”
Home base is wellbeing.
Existence is
Arranged this way.
Life
Thrives.
Harmony is
Inherent in its
Simple,
Wise
Habit of
Allowing, allowing…
Time and intrinsic
Structures of creative evolution and growth are
Already
Lined up for
Right, ready, eager
Expansion. The
Absolute
Design is for
Yes. Yes! “Yes! What else?!”,
says the Curious Universe?
The Whole is already
behind and inside of –
Helping
All seemingly individual
Parts. The Intelligence
Present
Everywhere in
Nature – So
Innate in our
Numinous cells, our
Genes, our bodies of Life, home sweet Life.
___________________and/or this version! ______________________
Home base.
Existence
Allows –
Lends
Time,
Harmony,
Innate,
Simple
Wisdom.
Held
Always,
Truth
Shines.
All
Lines
Ready.
Enter
Absolute
Dawning –
Yes!
Heaven
Already
Present.
Peace
Encoded
Nature.
Individual
Numinous
Genes.
—————–
Loving you all,
Christina
Health is What’s Already Happening
A couple of little poetic musing presented themselves and I couldn’t decide which one to include! So I posted both below! (They are based on the letters of the words “Health Is What’s Already Happening.”
Home base is wellbeing.
Existence is
Arranged this way.
Life
Thrives.
Harmony is
Inherent in its
Simple,
Wise
Habit of
Allowing, allowing…
Time and intrinsic
Structures of creative evolution and growth are
Already
Lined up for
Right, ready, eager
Expansion. The
Absolute
Design is for
Yes. Yes! “Yes! What else?!”,
says the Curious Universe?
The Whole is already
behind and inside of –
Helping
All seemingly individual
Parts. The Intelligence
Present
Everywhere in
Nature – So
Innate in our
Numinous cells, our
Genes, our bodies of Life, home sweet Life.
___________________and/or this version! ______________________
Home base.
Existence
Allows –
Lends
Time,
Harmony,
Innate,
Simple
Wisdom.
Held
Always,
Truth
Shines.
All
Lines
Ready.
Enter
Absolute
Dawning –
Yes!
Heaven
Already
Present.
Peace
Encoded
Nature.
Individual
Numinous
Genes.
—————–
Loving you all,
Christina
My Favorite Meditation Lately
It dawned on me awhile ago that my “meditations” were often about doing something. Working on myself, fixing myself, healing myself, inquiring, praying, asking, directing energy, figuring something out, getting peaceful, reaching for a particular feeling (in order to achieve something particular), or trying to quiet. I am literally giggling right now as I type this. So cute, so silly, so understandable! Maybe like you, I was so sure it was hard to feel wellbeing. I was making it complicated and scrambling to DO something to get there, rather than realizing that wellbeing is the default setting of, well, everything. As the quote goes, “The place you are looking for is where you are looking from.” ― St. Francis of Assisi There are many, many similar quotes from various spiritual teachers throughout the ages. (see below!)
For me, there is a clear connection between simplicity and truth. In my experience, it’s the mind the makes things complicated. The mind, the identity, the “doer” wants things to be complicated and hard. Minds like to have things to figure out, be busy and have a lot to do! So, what if all that is busy work, but unnecessary. What if St. Francis and the bunch were right? What if we are trying to get something we already have, already are?
So my favorite meditation right now is this:
“Hello God.”
I get comfy, say hello to God, and simply sit in the presence of The Something Bigger. It is that Presence (Love, Light, Source, God, Nature) that aligns everything. That Something Bigger, that Life Force Energy, takes care of every single particle of the universe(s). Nature knows where everything goes, how it fits together, the perfect connection, the inherent unfolding. I, from my limited perspective, don’t have to figure out, do or direct anything. I just say “Hi God.” And I sit in that. And I feel it. AAAhhhhhhhh…… Such a relief. I realize how much pressure my thinking has put on me to be in charge and responsible for things that I have never been in charge of. My whole being relaxes when I remember that the miraculous, unknowable Something Bigger has always been taking care of everything.
Smiling and loving this human ride with you,
Christina
————————————
PS, that whole “what you are looking for is where you are looking from idea has been expressed by many mystics and spiritual teachers. Here is a list of variations, which I’ve included because they are like little, sweet candies!
“What you are looking for is what you are looking with.” -Ernest Holmes
“The place you are looking for is the place from which you are looking.” -Mooji
“What you are looking for is already in you… You already are everything you are seeking.” -Thich Nhat Hanh
“The truth is that you already are what you are seeking. You are looking for God with his eyes. I suggest you ask, ‘What’s ultimately behind this set of eyes?’ Turn around to see what is looking.”
-Adyashanti
“What you seek is seeking you.” Rumi
What the Heck is Integration, Anyway?
I recently got an email from someone who asked: “I notice I’m hearing the word “integrate” a lot lately. I’m wondering what that means, or would look like, or???”
I thought I’d go ahead and share my thoughts here with you all too! These thoughts of course are just what currently crosses my mind. And I am so delighted to be in curious conversation with you all! Let me know how all this feels for you, and what other insights you might have about it!
So it seems to me that integration is when something lands and makes sense in a new way. It is having an “aha” moment that can be accompanied by a physical sensation of the body relaxing, opening and settling. For me there is sometimes a sense of something spreading through the body. I can feel that something has moved from a concept in my head, to a surety of feeling and knowing that I actually live. A new understanding of things becomes the natural ground I’m standing on, rather than something I’m trying to get to. It’s a natural strength or force that expresses itself rather than I an ideal that I’m not quite sure how to make happen in my behavior.
I’ve also noticed in myself that the “aha” moment often happens in slow motion over a period of time.
And integration is not really something you can make happen. You can’t make yourself integrate something. For me, integration happens like rain slowly seeping into the ground and saturating it and bringing that life-giving moisture. But you can’t make the rain come. You just receive it when it comes naturally. And when it comes naturally you can’t force it down into the ground faster than it wants to naturally seep in. One note here is that a flash of insight can suddenly turn a concept into a direct, felt knowing in the body. An insight can pretty instantaneously make something suddenly real and integrated into our deep sense of knowing. And yet insights aren’t something we can make happen either!
Here’s an example of integration from my own life. There is a part of my psychology/thinking that’s convinced that there is only lack. That there’s not enough. That sense can show up as me feeling like there’s not enough time or opportunity. Then I feel a frantic desperation to grab onto something before it disappears. My mind says I have to take action quickly, even if things don’t feel quite right, or I have to force things or push harder. Otherwise, says that part of my mind, I will miss out, and/or “it will never happen.” This whole loop has led to a sense of urgency, and often making decisions quickly without thinking them over because of the panicked pressure to outsmart The Lack. (as though it were a solid factual thing)
From a mental concept place, I’m aware of this thinking and I know it’s just conditioning and not true. For a long time I thought that in order to counter that conditioning, I should make myself move more slowly to “teach” myself a more reasonable way of responding to life. So I had practices and ways that I was trying to actively change my behavior and remind myself to slow down.
Meanwhile, in another aspect of my consciousness, I continued my genuine curiosity about the nature of life. More and more, I came to see that the stories that my thoughts make up aren’t real. I observed the actual flow of events rather than stories my mind put on top of those events. I kept having conversations with other people who are curious about these things too.
And at some point it dawned on me that now, somehow, I just DO move more slowly and calmly. There is far less of a sense of urgency to act. Thoughts of lack come up, but it’s kind of like they are over there, rather than in my face. The volume has been turned down, the picture faded. I notice that now I am not driven by thoughts of lack. I have the ability to savor food, time, people, events….. I notice that I give myself time and space to decide things. To consider and feel for clear paths forward rather than make a knee-jerk decision based on an old brain pattern that says “Act now! Supplies are limited!” And looking at it now, I can see that moving more calmly and savoring has gradually become a more natural behavior. That’s because I truly feel it that the nature of life is abundant and spacious. I have been experiencing the truth that I don’t have to rush to make decisions. I have lived the truth that things stick around and continue to be available to me, even if I don’t pounce on them!
I see that this ground of understanding is natural to me now. I have slowed down. But it wasn’t because I tried to integrate the idea of slowing down. My genuine curiosity and looking just allowed a truer understanding of life to seep in.
So, dear emailer and all you reading this! I hope my thoughts are a helpful addition to your own curiosity about what integration is for you. Since of course we are all different! Thank you for writing to ask me, so that I had the chance to really notice and celebrate my own integration of the calm, sure ground of enoughness!
Love you all and thank you for sharing this whole amazing conversation of LIFE with me!
Christina